Soliloquy

Its 5:24 am when I start typing. I woke up about an hour and 15 minutes ago. Why I remember this is because my windows update installer keep reminding that I "HAVE" to restart my computer and I had postponed it by that much time and it popped up again just now. I slept last night at around 10:30 PM. Thats strange considering the fact that by now I have convinced all my other friends who think they are insomniacs that I am a better one at that (although I dont think I have really met a real one) but its not so strange if one considers the fact that prior to this I have slept for a total of 5 -6 hours in the last 3 days.

Anyways my mind seem to be more at peace now. Well not so much... cause tomorrow I have my last evaluation of sorts and thus ends my first semester. But I think I am more at peace. For people who generally read more meaning into my words than what I actually fill them with, the past few weeks went well and thats one reason why I am happy with myself. That somehow one of the most important dates in my life just passed without causing any real disturbance. And probably it was because I was too involved in finishing my academics.

You know, I always used to believe in the idea of poetic justice. If a person A gets hurt somepoint in life by B, then it may not be true that the reverse will always happen, but there will be a situation that A will probably hurt C. And C might hurt B sometime later. and thus everyone has a win and loss. and everything is equalised. I never realised its true for other things as well.

For example, since the beginning of college I never really felt satisfied with the amount of time I put into academics. Not that I scored really low, but I always thought I could do better. That feeling that I can do better hasnt really gone away, but today I feel good with the amount of time I can give to my academics. Yes. Its true. I would be better off if I had taken one less course. But what the hell.. its over now.. almost.. But then whats this got to do with this poetic justice.... well... I one of the reasons why I didnt really put a lot of time on my academics in college, at least in undergrad was mostly myself prioritising everything else over acads. Somehow even though I loved chemistry a lot and read it when i felt like I despised the examination system, some of the teachers and some of the course content and one way to protest against it was to not pay as much respect to it as other people did. So extracurriculars, phone calls and everything else in this world became more important.

Today my friends are completely pissed off at me. Because I dont get time to call them, to listen to them, to spend the same amount of time that I earlier could and yet inside my mind, in some corner I am happy (only a little) that I probably did want to have a life that romanticised academics.

Anyways.. before I start sounding like a nerd.. I will change the topic. But one last thing. In the last few months I realised if I try I can still get my head onto studying something. I havent lost that ability yet. Also I realised its possible to stay awake for continuosly three days on the trot.
I now know why the weekends are so important for a Grad Student. I also know how important it is to have all your friends go through Grad School, so that they can understand why you cant return their calls. I now know the meaning of a snowfall. There is a 7 inch layer of snow outside my house right now. I now know what TA-ing really is and how difficult or easy it really is to teach something. I have learnt a new and different kind of friendship now - the academic friendship. I have started learning the art of how to respect and yet not grovel. But of all the things that I have learnt here, the most important thing that I think I have learnt is that the only way you can only come out of a lose-lose situation is to know that you are going to win! Does it sound crazy...? Then it sounds just right

Anyways... the blogs that I had promised earlier will come. Soon. That last stretch of four days of holidays got ultimately used up by working in the lab, researching for which laptop/camera/ipod to buy during the Thanksgiving Sale. I did make up my mind finally after a 30 hr long marathon of worldwide research, about 14 messages, 9 phone calls, and infinite abuses from my flabbergasted roommates to ultimately to come to a decision of buying A HP Pavilion, a Sony DSC-H5 and a 80GB Classic iPOD.

Yes.... I am now a proud owner of all these and soon you will see a lot more photographs in my blog.

I dont know, if some of you remember the quote I started my last blog with. Well I will detail on that more later, but there is one more quote. This one too is my own. Its something I came up with about 3 months back and I havent forgotten it since and although its nothing great I originally thought of writing a song starting or chorusing with that line but somehow never got the time.
Now that I have build up the required (or even more) hype for the line , here is the let down (cause most things that are hyped about arent as good!! ) -

" When you hear an old song,
a smile fleets across your face,
that even your own mind cannot hide;
You arent sad any more, you aren't happy too,
but you know for sure, when the music stops, your tears would have dried"

Well Its not one line really. but whatever.. Anyways.. forget the context, forget the whole phrase. Just concentrate on the first two lines. Isnt that true? Think about it.. and let me know..

Its 6 AM. and maybe I shall sleep for a little while once again..