Arriving Somewhere but not here .........

I have a confluence of multiple thoughts in my mind.
One of them originates from this phrase in one of my fellow blogger's profile - "I'm a wanderer with a purpose", the other originates from this song by Porcupine Tree called "Arriving somewhere but not here" a third thought starts from somebody told me the other day - "There are two main kinds of people - one who pursue knowledge and one who pursue money and both of these kinds dont really understand that they will both reach the same hell of unsatisfaction and a feeling of underachievement.

There are other minor thoughts but i cant seem to focus on them enough to bring them upto the surface so that i can identify them. Maybe in the due course of this blog I will be able to fish them out!

Lets first deal with Porcupine Tree. When I wrote about the band in one of my previous blog, one of my old friends pinged me asking me to listen to Lazarus. It was kind of surprising because not only that I had heard all of Porcupine Tree by then after recently acquiring it here from a classmate of mine, but also what really made me want more of Porcupine Tree was a song that had a mellow tune and had a very prominent piano line that was sweet and soft and sad alltogether. It appeared in the Pandora play list on the station named Comfortably Numb. For those who dont know what Pandora is, its an online Radio station. You tell it what kind of band/genre/song you like and it will then search other bands/artists/songs which sound similar to your choice and form a radio station completely based on that. Pandora calls it Music Genome Project. Actually I think I might have referred about this in passing in some other blog of mine, but whatever, it doesnt hurt anyone right! :)

So when I heard this song, I wanted to know what it was called and who was the artist. And the
song WAS Lazarus by Porcupine Tree. At that time, which is around October, 2008. I was maintaining a notebook of all new bands/songs that I happen to listen via Pandora and would like to hear more of. I have made some kind of progress with some of the bands like Porcupine Tree and some other Lounge/Techno Bands. From then on, I started a station called Porcupine Tree and came across more of their songs and finally I have heard all their albums, live and recorded, interviews and radioshows! :) Thanks to the IITB collection! And trust me. They are good! :) they have a surroundsound..that only few band have. Their lyrics do faintly remind me of Floyd and I remember thats how I introduced them last blog I wrote about them. Surprisingly they know about this and so they state in one of their interview that they dont want to be called "like some other band"

Anyways Arriving somewhere has a very haunting feeling too it. Anyone who firsts hear me playing the song immediately ask me (if they dont know me) if I have heard Floyd or otherwise (if they know me) comment that they can understand why I would like the song or the band. Porcupine Tree (PT) does not always sound like Floyd. They are hard at times. And thats quite understandable considering that their lead guitarist's favorite bands are mostly death metal/hardcore metal type bands! :)

How the wanderer with purpose thing effected me was that I am still wandering to find a purpose. So its like a purpose to end a situation of purposeless ness. I dont know if you are able to understand what I am trying to state here but it really is a paradox.

The other statement was the truest thing I have realized about research. I am sure, in the course of the next few years I will realize more things , more than what my readers will be able to handle! :) Every point of success and the un-ending number of failures would make me realize something new and I would be running back home to share it with you and it might be amusing. But really.. it is true that we are all somehow attracted to that same fate of unsatisfaction. Because we dont know where to stop or after what ? It isnt the matter of lack of goals. I remember once me and Subhajit were discussing about people who did not want to achieve anything and I realized we had classified them as unambitious people. What I realize now is that people with ambition of any kind , immediately sign themselves up for a fate of unsatisfaction through out their life. We become slaves of that elusive dream of being happy and satisfied.

And obviously some of you would come up with this cliche-d question.. What is Happiness. And I wont go into that amazingly unnecessary question .

Because Im sure I would do some other time.. :)

Somehow right now I have forgot what was the main thing I was going to address in this blog and since I cannot force myself to write something here because then I would hate it and then just because I hate a line I would probably delete the entire post this post will not be published. And then, the other parts of this post that I liked and wanted to share will also be lost. Because However well you might try , or in this case, I might try to recreate something I created myself before, because I am not working on a flexible circuit and not on hardwires, I will introduce changes in it, minute but yet significant changes. That again might introduce new properties to the entire body of this post which i may hate completely and I would never post it ever again. And thus with it the information contained in it will be always lost.

This chain of thought, although sometimes called nonsense, is also the exact way our minds try to analyse the idea of talking to an old friend with whom we have lost contact due to mutual laziness. And somehow you are always in the dilemma if you should or shouldnot. You spend enough time on it the way I did on the last para and you would reach the conclusion which leads to the friendship ultimately being lost. So take that initiative when you can. Dont wait. Blurt it out.

This post will gets published :)